Top Ten Basketball Moves

10. Bounce it off your man's forehead and when he falls down, pause the game because someone is injured.

9. Behind the back dribble, then back between your legs. If your man hasn't fallen down, just shoot it really quick. Don't worry about whether it goes in.

8. Hook shot over the tallest guy on the court. If it goes in, do the reverse psychology Mutumbo finger wag. If it doesn't go in, don't worry - that was a really hard shot! The other guys should respect you just for trying.

7. Put the ball under your shirt and then punch it with your elbow. It should go all the way around your midsection and back to the front, especially if you're wearing a loose shirt.

6. Jab Step. If you do enough of these, your guy may get bored and let you go past him.

5. While you're playing defense, yell for the guy with the ball to pass it to you. Sometimes it works. Prepare to be disliked for being "that guy."

4. A good hard cut when your man's head is turned almost always results in a layup.

3. Tap your man on the shoulder while he's trying to box you out, and when he turns around, go get that rebound!

2. Drive baseline, then pretend to turn around back towards the middle but spin baseline again like Michael Jordan did right before he dunked on Patrick Ewing. That was such a sick dunk. Usually when I try this move it doesn't work that well because I'm not as fleet of foot as Michael Jordan, and I also can't dunk, let alone on an all-star center. But you should feel free to try!

1. A good clean pump fake. Get him out of his shoes and go past him - or just take a dribble and shoot! Even if you miss, the guys on the sideline will whistle, like, "wow look at that guy's fundamentals. His dad must have coached him in middle school." But it'll probably go in, because you're good at basketball! Unless you're playing outdoors on double rims. Those things are notoriously rigid.