10. Page views make the web go round.
9. If you look hard enough, you might find some topless guys! Lucky you!
8. I don't want your life.
7. #ashtags! webapps!
6. What is the internet for, if not amalgamations of information?
5. It will be both high- and low-brow. Sometimes simultaneously. Just like Dr. Strangelove!
4. You have nothing better to do. I know that for a fact.
3. Does this look like buzzfeed? I will not make you perform any extra clicks. I will not assault you with information designed to appeal to base instincts or insecurities.
2. I hate all the same things you hate, including politics, big business, and any media that gives people the false impression that things are alright, or diverts them from things that they should be paying attention to.
1. I like long walks on the beach.
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